So I'm starting my New Years Resolution a little early of actually keeping up with my blog in hopes that I'll follow through with it. It's obviously been years since writing one but not much has changed in these few years. I'm still a single mom, living at home with my parents, working, and going to grad school. The things that have changed are few but noticeable. I buy anti-wrinkle cream on a regular basis, I've plucked five grey hairs, and my knees and ankles pop every, and I mean every, morning. Maggie is in K5 and loves school much more than I ever did, which is ironic since I'm praying about pursuing a PhD. She loves all things art-related, don't give her a coloring sheet, she wants a blank piece of paper to draw whatever is swirling around in her imagination. It's usually pictures of her playing with her friends or family which further solidifies that quality time is this child's love language. It makes me grateful as funds are tight so she doesn't need a constant borage of gifts to feel love. A simple walk holding hands and finding treasures (I have a nice collection of rocks, acorns, and leaves in my purse) are enough for her.
The holidays are quickly approaching which often seems to accentuate the single aspect of my life. I recently met a newly-single mom and this is her first holiday season alone. I could see the dread in her eyes and I know that look all to well. I'm five years in of doing the holiday thing alone and it still is not easy. No kidding, I know four people who have gotten engaged in the past two months. Two of them are guys I dated which seems somewhat surreal. Even though they weren't "Mr. Right" for me they could have at least had the courtesy to wait until I got engaged, right? If I hear one more person tell me that Jesus is my husband I might go crazy. Yes, I understand their point but it doesn't offer comfort on New Years Eve as the countdown approaches. Don't provide me with explanations of why I've heard them all...waiting is preparation...patience is a virtue...he'll be worth the wait...well, even the best husband makes a poor god, blah, blah, blah. Paul, of the Bible, says that singleness is a gift. Really? Where is the gift receipt because I'd like to exchange it. This was my attitude yesterday, it definitely gave Satan a foothold in my mind as I went throughout my day grumbling and complaining. I was throwing a temper tantrum to rival any toddler's I'm-going-to-scream-as-I-roll-in-the-shopping-cart-through-Target tantrum. My sweet friend was trying to encourage me but Satan was screaming so loud in my head at this point his lies were the only thing I could hear. Poor Maggie had a front row seat to my bad attitude to which I pray, "God, please don't let her be like me!". Amazingly, through all of this my Jesus was there and is here. His mercies are truly new each morning and how thankful I am for that. I had a rare morning where I have some time to myself so I immersed myself in His word, longing to hear what HE had to say. He first provided a stellar reminder of who He is:
"God is not a man, so he does not lie. He is not human, so he does not change his mind. Has he ever spoken and failed to act? Has he ever promised and not carried it through?" Numbers 23:19.
What an awesome reminder of who God is! Men do break their promises, they do lie, and they do change their minds. I think all the single mom's out there will lift a hefty "amen" to that one. But God is not a man, so he does not break his promises, he doesn't lie, and he doesn't change his mind. The next verse He provided was a reminder that my burdens are not mine to carry alone.
"Give your burdens to the Lord, and He will take care of you. He will not permit the godly to slip and fall" Psalm 55:22.
When Jesus said my yolk is easy and my burden is light, that was literal, not metaphorical. He meant it (again, God does not lie). Perhaps this is where the physical exercise of removing my burdens and placing them in his hands will come in handy (no pun intended). He will take care of me. Oh how I have witnessed this in my life! His provision has been widespread, he's provided financially and provided me with the strength to get out of bed every morning. So yes, in ways my singleness has been a gift. I have a deeper relationship with Jesus that perhaps I wouldn't have if I was married. My reliance on him, rather than a man, is answered always with love and not fear that he'll change his mind about loving me. So the next time someone says to me they are praying for God to bring me a husband I will politely smile and say thank you. Because I truly am thankful for those prayers, preparing Maggie's heart and mine to recognize and accept the gift that God is bringing.
I apologize for the long ramblings so much has been on my mind. I hope to provide encouragement for the single mom's out there. You are not alone. Leave a comment. Be nice to others. God is good, all the time. The End.
Jayden's Adoption Book
7 years ago
